


We Should Stop This

by LostGhost_skull



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: But it is Time's, It turns out horrible, Its not his fault, Legend is little shit, This is crack, Wild has a potty mouth, Wild has an Idea, blood mention, i forgot, please dont take this seriously, sentient fire mention, slight arson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 07:40:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28347804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostGhost_skull/pseuds/LostGhost_skull
Summary: Wild tries to teach cooking 101! It goes as well as one might expect.Blame it on Time, everyone else does.Secret Santa for Skie!
Relationships: Four & Hyrule & Legend & Sky & Time & Twilight & Warriors & Wild & Wind (Linked Universe)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73





	We Should Stop This

When Sky woke up, it wasn’t because of the giant, flaring, color changing, probably sentient grease fire. It wasn’t even because of the toxic smoke emanating from it, either. No, those didn’t help, but the truth was far, far worse.   
You see, the sound that woke the sleeping giant was none other than Wild. 

Now, Wild was generally, while a chaotic gremlin, more reserved. He didn’t speak much, had the stealth of a Sheikha, and enjoyed listening more than speaking. (The same could not be said for the whole group, but that’s what made it interesting.)   
That very fact made what was happening all the more jarring to say the least to the first hero. And it couldn’t be all that he was yelling, too. He had to be swearing almost as bad as Wind and War at this point.  
(Sky’s tired mind was amused by this. Wind, Wild, and Warrior’s names all started with a “W”, and apparently they all had a potty mouth. The more you know.)

From the general air of shame from the group assembled in front of the Fire, (which was learning to speak with Hyrule’s help) and the ruined pot happily melting inside of it, it was reasonable to assume that cursing chef had attempted to teach some basic cooking skills to a few of the Links, Time and Twilight surprisingly included. Hyrule was less surprisingly not included. He gets special lessons. Like how not to burn water, and create Malice from oatmeal. 

Ohh, Time seemed to be taking the brunt of his Wild’s ire, which was far more amusing than anything else he could focus on in a half-asleep state. What did he do?

Didn’t Malon teach you anything? 

(Didn’t Zelda teach you anything, his brain helpfully supplies, corrects, and shames.)

Humph. Sleep looks much more comfortable than this environment, no matter the amusement. Smoke, The Fire, and sobbing/swearing accented master chef do not exist in The Void. Time (heh) to become oblivious to the world again. He idly wonders what will happen to the newly dubbed Burn before drifting off to the awaited bliss. Hope they didn’t attack.   
Wild would probably adopt them after the whole thing was over.

\-----

Legend was not having a good day. He doesn’t have many good days, but that’s not the point. You see, Wild had the admittedly good idea that he should teach some basic cooking skills to some of the other Links. If for some reason he was injured, or the group was separated, at least some other people would be able to cook some simple meals. In theory. 

Wild was the last person to join the group. He did not fully understand the early days. Not his fault, really, but at this rate, Sky would die first of suffocation because of his breathing problems, then Four because he was smaller, (Wind was used to bad smells and noxious fumes from his pirating days), then it actually looked like Twilight would keel over because the whole wolf thing (Ha, not so great now, your sUpErIoUr nose is worth Nothing). This all stemmed from the fact that even with Hyrule banned from helping, the other Links could probably kill Demise with the stuff they made. But, first he had to write down everything so that he could sell it. As you do. 

First: Sky fell asleep. This would not be noteworthy save for the fact that he was A; in the way, and B; the person who was supposed to be supervising and making sure no one died because Wild killed them or otherwise. 

Second: After Sky fell asleep, and not a single person could wake him up, Wild demonstrated how to cut up some vegetables to cook. He then turned to help Four with something (Look, Legend wasn’t paying that great attention at the time) and Time chopped too hard and cut his board in half. It’s worth mentioning that he was having trouble with the knife that Wild gave him, so he used his sword. As this was going down, Hyrule was messing around with a new spell that did something and cut himself. Twilight up to this point was innocent. 

Third: Time tried to hide the evidence. So he threw the cutting board into the fire. Hylia’s heros in their finest. Now, Twilight apparently was so confused at his mentor's sheer inability to own up to his mistakes that he forgot how to walk. He tripped on Sky and started another chain reaction.

Fourth: The cutting board was not compatible with the fire. It was one of Wild’s super nice ones that was made out of a weird clearish material he called plastic. It exploded. Twilight immediately panicked, on the ground that he was, and knocked the pot that had their attempt in it. He then dropped his knife, and then kicked it towards Hyrule in his panic. 

Fifth and final: Hyrule flinched and away from the sharp impromptu projectile, and fell towards the fire. He rolled away at the last seconds, so he wasn’t harmed above trauma, but the cut on his left everything got blood on the fire. Screaming commenced, and the fire raging uncontrollably and noxiously. Worst is, it appeared that Something about either the weird cutting board or Hyrules blood, or what they had managed to slap together in the pot did something weird.

Oh. No. Stop. How horrible. It's a shame, really, that Wind’s pictograph just so happened to be in his hands at that moment. Who could have predicted this outcome! 

Because, out of the smoke, a wraith appeared. A vengeful spirit, risen from the grave, anger clouding his countenance.  
And lo, the spirit spake, saying, “What the fuck?”   
Poetic. Dramatic. The way the light reflected off him, and all the others on the ground in the smoke, long hair pulled up into a braid, just starting to loosen. 

Wild would be rather proud of the pictures, Legend thought.


End file.
